Mix Feeling

The mix feeling I have now made me skip cny post and jump into this. It's also this mix feeling that brings me to this blog to share you my feeling.

Someone who stays with me & my family for 14 years, is moving out soon. And it's pretty soon. She is my 'kakak'. 14 years, not a short period, an invisible close knot has been tied all the while between her and every of my family members. She is already part of us. She is not housemaid, but rather a friend or maybe like a sister to me, a daughter to my parents.

Let me tell a brief story of our met with this girl. She started as a temporary helper at my house after completed her SPM. We were at Serian that time. She followed us to Kuching. Here, my mom let her enrolled in typing course at King Centre, with a little deduction from her salary of course.

She is a determined lady. Soon after she completed her course, my uncle found her a job. There she started to work as a clerk. Still staying with us, helping some households during free time. This last till today. Her career achievement is getting better, at least boost up her financial. Till today, she owns a Kancil.

For the past 14 years, she witnessed the growth of everyone of us, my brothers and me. She is like a big sister to all of us. Although we don't talk a lot everyday, occasionally, we share our thoughts, problems, culture, sadness ...... She is small n petite, sweet dark, soft spoken and temperless.

And now she is leaving soon, more or less it causes a change that everyone has to go through. Why is it mix feeling? It's mix because, despite the privacy that I could soon gain in my room, and the sharing of tasks at home, the sadness and "she bu der" is enveloping me stronger, covering all the earlier thoughts.

I thought her left won't cause me much at emotion. I was wrong. When I started a conversation with her just now, teasing her being marrying soon, my eyes glistened with tears. Uncontrollable, tears dripping from the edge of my eyes. Even when I did this post, my eyes clogged with tears, nose is stuck.

Lots of say from the beginning, yet to tell why she is leaving. Her aunt's daughter is working soon at Kch. She'll accompanying her. This also marks another stage of her life. As, we all are growing up, all will get marry one day, and maybe she finds no place for her. She would like to plan for her next stage of life, not depending on others. Things would not remain the same the forever. Even 1 day, I'll get marry and out from this house.

14 years, she is already part of us. I hope she has a smooth way ahead of her. Where there is a meet, there'll be a dismiss. That's what she told me. Anyway, she'll still at Kch. hehe...

~ that's all ~

Happy Chinese New Year!